My Own Awareness

     For some, autism awareness comes around once a year. They read about it, hear about it and may get involved in it. The month of April passes and they go about their year not really thinking about it much anymore. Which is completely normal by the way.

     My autism awareness comes when I open my eyes in the morning and when I close them at night. It comes in the grocery store when the ceiling tiles aren't where they should be. It comes at every bathroom that has hand dryers. It comes at dinner time. It comes off the bus in the afternoons. It comes in the obsessive conversations about doors and shutters. It comes when he's near me and when he's away from me. It comes in the form of love and it comes in the form of frustration. It comes with a sweet, loving, conflicted, frustrating little boy named Jacob...

To the little boy who can steal my heart and break it all at the same time,
To the little boy who's laughter can be obnoxious, yet the best sound you've ever heard,
To the little boy who is my deepest sorrow and my biggest delight,
To the little boy who is my constant reminder of my failures and my greatest accomplishments,
To the little boy who's chaos has become our normal,
To the little boy who loves to make messes, yet keep things lined up in a row,
To the little boy who's smile can mean something suspicious and sweet,
To the little boy who's hugs I never tire of,
To the little boy who can run around on pavement without shoes yet cries when his fingernail breaks,
To the little boy who's love is so overbearing, yet comforting,
To the little boy who makes me feel weak, yet so strong,
To the little boy who makes me laugh even though he doesn't make sense,
To the little boy who enjoys the simple things that make life not so simple,
To the little boy who's tears bring me joy because I see that he can feel emotion
To the little boy who may not remember the words but hums the tunes to his favorite songs...

Keep on singing, keep on humming, keep on being simple, keep telling your jokes that don't make sense, keep telling me you love me, keep hugging, keep smiling, keep laughing, keep stealing and breaking my heart.

You are my autism awareness, you are my joy, you are my life, you are my son. You are God's constant reminder of my need for Him. For that I am thankful.

"Rejoice always, pray continually,

give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18