What Would Jacob Do?
This is the question I've asked myself for the last 8 years. It's a simple one, yet so complicated. The fact that my life is constantly dictated by my oldest child is sometimes frustrating and dis-heartening but it is necessary. I sometimes feel guilty because at some point Caleb is going to realize that the decisions we make revolve around Jacob. I hope he understands when that day comes.
It's like this...
"Where should we go eat?" -- Jacob can only eat at such and such.
"Can we go to a movie?" -- Jacob doesn't do good in movies.
"Can I get a cookie at the grocery store bakery?" -- No, Jacob can't have those.
"Can you come to my birthday party?" -- Jacob doesn't do good at parties with a
lot of people, and he can't eat any of the food
"What are we eating for supper?" -- Something that Jacob can eat too.
Or with big decisions
"Should we move into a different house?" -- I wonder how Jacob would handle that
"Where should we go on vacation?" -- We need to go somewhere that Jacob will enjoy
"Should we have another kid?" -- I really don't think that would be good for Jacob or us.
Jacob can't help that he dictates life for us though. It wasn't his choice to have autism. I used to be angry about it and sometimes it still gets the best of me; but for the most part I understand that it is what it is and I might as well enjoy the times I have with both of my kids.
I can want what I don't have, or, I can be joyful in the awesome, sweet little boys that I do have and live life to the fullest with them with no regrets.
It's not having what you want,
it's wanting what you have.