Insanity

      We are t minus 6 days away from boarding the airplane in Atlanta. I've been trying to stave off my nerves with an abundance of organizing and reorganizing my toiletries. I stood in the travel size toiletries isle in Target for 30 minutes picking out everything I needed for my trip. About every 10 minutes I would laugh at myself because I really wasn't that concerned over my toiletries, I was just trying to override my nerves with undue preparedness.
       On the drive back home all I thought about was the flight. What could go wrong, what I thought would go right and then realized there will probably be things that I won't see coming and won't know how to handle. I just pray that I handle it all with dignity, patience and most of all, grace.
       I put Caleb in his bed for nap time and then like a little girl on Christmas morning I ran into my room, ripped open the bags and went to town filling all my little bottles with shampoo, conditioner, face cream and so on. I continued to laugh at myself for using organization to offset my nerves. I even envisioned myself at the airport, being nervous and searching desperately through my carry on to find something to organize. Not in an orderly fashion either. I could see myself, hunching over my backpack, my eyes erratically darting around, and then punching people if they even came close to stopping me.
     
       In all honesty though, the better I am organized and prepared, the easier it will be to handle the things that I'm not in control of. My desire is to have a solution to all the problems I can foresee. I know this is not possible, but planning for every possible scenario and having a solution helps prepare me for what is to come. Jacob may end up doing fantastic and I won't need my back ups; but when he does have a meltdown I can say to myself, "At least my shampoo is in that plastic bottle all safe and sound." My mind will surely be at ease!

After all my planning for Jacob, I had this dreadful thought: "What if it's Caleb that does horrible?"

Back to the toiletries isle for me!!!