This Day, Ten Years Ago

     I woke up exactly 10 years ago today excited because it was my wedding day. My dad came in my room, wrapped his arms around me and balled his eyes out. It was the best hug I've ever received and the worst one as well. We cried and held each other for what seemed like an eternity and then he quickly said he was proud of me and left my room. I finished getting ready and drove to the church where I was greeted by all of my friends and family. It was such a fun day with all the people I love.

~ Heather doing my makeup~

     After I was completely ready and dressed I walked down the aisle and sat on the front steps of the altar. Erick and I had decided that we wanted to take all our pictures before the wedding so we could spend most of our time with our guests. Because of this, we decided to have a special moment before we took pictures. I sat down on the altar and waited for him to come in the back doors of the church. I was so nervous waiting, because I had a big box of letters that I had written for him specifically to give him at that moment.

 ~Waiting~

~ Seeing me for the first time~

     We had so much fun during those 30 minutes of alone time. We laughed, cried and talked about everything that transpired that morning. It really was the best moment of the day. After that 30 minutes was up we took pictures and went back to our hiding spots before the wedding was supposed to start. During the waiting time between pictures and the wedding my mom realized that I had popped a seem in my dress on the front that really wasn't that bad but she screamed "Corrie, you have a whole in your dress!" I had held back most of my emotions until that moment. Luckily she had a sewing kit in her purse and it was fixed within a matter of minutes. 

     The rest of the wedding went off without a hitch and we had so much fun dancing and visiting with all our loved ones at the reception.

     It was a wonderful day, and looking back at all the memories have been so much fun. However, all of this would mean nothing if it weren't for the 10 years after this day. We've been through a lot. We've been on top of mountains and in the deepest valley's but one thing I have been reminded of is that true love endures all. Love isn't something that you feel all the time but it's the perseverance even when things are tough. We've had a wonderful 10 years and I look forward to the next 10 years. I'm sorry to everyone else because Erick will be the only one to get this, but Erick, you will always be my BBF!! I chose you 10 years ago and I choose you today!! I love you!!!

~ My Favorite Picture~

Love is patient, love is kind

it does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others,

 it is not self-seeking

It is not easily angered 

and it keeps no records of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil 

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects

It always trusts

Always hopes

Always perseveres.

Love Never Fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8a

Stop The Press

      For the last 4 1/2 years of Jacob's life his nutrition has been a huge burden on us. All that kid would eat was salty, crunchy foods and a few crunchy sweet items. His diet consisted of the following: pretzels, potato chips, Cheetos,  cookies & Popsicle's. We substituted his nutrition with Ensure shakes but after a few years he was tired of those and would no longer drink them. We started trying to give him vitamin supplements and the fiasco of holding him down to force the medicines in him wasn't working and became heart breaking and miserable for everyone. His skin felt scaly and no matter now much lotion I slathered on him, his skin was never smooth like it was supposed to be. Sometimes his eyes had dark circles under them and he didn't sleep well. We weren't sure if the circles were because of lack of nutrition or because of lack of sleep and was the lack of sleep caused by the lack of nutrition? Everything always seemed to come down to his nutrition. We figured that if he got the appropriate nutrition his skin would be normal again. If he ate right his mind may sharpen and strengthen. If he ate healthier maybe his meltdowns would diminish. If he was healthier maybe he would sleep better. Our worries always came back to Jacob's nutrition.
      Jacob started occupational therapy (food therapy) a little over a year ago. For the longest time we were just trying to get him to lick foods that were undesirable to him and this seemed to last forever!! The next step was getting him to bite the foods and then spit them out and then bite them and swallow them. I have to say, that kid has worked so hard. I can't tell you how many times I've seen him gag, but he just kept working and trying. At times I thought it was hopeless and at other times I would see little improvements. The idea of him ever eating anything healthy always seemed way way way in the future. Until recently!! I don't know what it is about wheelchairs that that kid likes but his therapist lets him sit in a wheelchair and all of a sudden that kid is eating with no rewards and no gagging...WHAT??? For about two months he would only eat healthy at food therapy and wouldn't try anything at home. But I'm happy to announce that last night for supper he ate steak, cheese and strawberries. That is the absolute healthiest meal Jacob has eaten in 4 1/2 years!!! And not only did he eat steak, he asked for seconds and even thirds!!! Over the coarse of the past week he has eaten something healthy with every dinner. His list includes apples, bananas and carrots and he's tasted a few other things. I've been so overwhelmed with joy!! Not to mention that he lets me give him his medicine now with very little fussing, considering what we were dealing with a year in a half ago. His skin is so soft again and even though he doesn't always sleep good, he's healthier, talking more and seems happier most days. This is one huge milestone that we've struggled with for a long time and I praise God that Jacob continues to progress and be a huge blessing to us. We love that boy with everything we have and it overjoys me to see him let go of his hindrances.

The Causes of Autism

    Whenever the subject of autism comes up, it never fails that someone in the conversation is going to ask my opinion of what causes it. Some speculate vaccinations while other's think it's genetics, environment or both. I really have no idea what my opinion is on this subject. I always struggle to answer their questions straight forwards. Jacob was always different, even as a baby, before he had vaccinations. I used to rack my brains trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the the doctor did wrong or what does society need to do to change the rise in autism. We fight for a cure, we search for answers and we ponder what our children would be like if they were "normal."
    While all of these questions are valid, I decided to give up the fight a long time ago.  Not that I'm not continuing to fight for Jacob, but I decided to lay down my armor and be content with my life. I was driving myself into depression trying to answer the questions of why and how. I was allowing Satan to feed me lies about Jacob and myself as a mother. The problem with continuing to ask these questions is you get into a pity party for yourself, and others. You start to focus on everything that is going wrong and not looking at all the blessings.
     I went to the zoo with a friend yesterday and while we were there, one of her four children kept asking "what's next mommy", "when are we gonna see the ________??" (fill in the blank) As we were walking, he asked again. She kindly knelt down, looked into his sweet, excited eyes and said, "If you continue to always look at what is behind or what is ahead, you will always miss what's right in front of you." What a great lesson for all of us!!
     On the way home from the zoo, the subject of autism came up and that famous question was asked of me again. "What do you think causes autism?" Again I was stumped for words and I never gave her a simple concrete answer. Autism isn't simple and a simple answer just won't suffice. We talked almost the whole way home about Jacob, autism and life with a special needs child. I guess that conversation will always follow me. I'm starting to think that I could have the entire conversation while I am asleep.
     We got home and I began to think about our day together and what a wonderful time we had. I remembered the lesson that she was trying to get across to her 4 year old and I began to put it into context for my life. If I continue to worry and wonder about why Jacob has autism or if I continue to overly pursue his future and worry about it, then I will miss everything that Jacob is accomplishing right now. He's growing and accomplishing so much that I don't want to take for granted everything that God wants to teach me through this moment in my life. This moment is what counts because it's the building block for Jacob's future.

Let's boast in Christ

I've been really frustrated lately about the fact that I haven't had any ideas to blog about. So I guess I'm blogging to let you know that I have no ideas for blogging. We've been so busy the past few weeks with school, church and life.

The main thing that keeps coming to me to blog about is bringing glory to God and not myself, but then I sit down to write and the post goes something like this...

"I really want to give all the glory to God." 

hmm, that really sums it up.

I guess what I really mean by that is that I want everyone to understand that my stories that you think are so good and so powerful are really just utterances of a broken heart. I'm so blown away at the fact that people are "moved" by them because that's just my life. I see the comments that you guys have left and realize that you are not really touched by me but you are touched by God God has lead me to where I am and all I do is write about it. Someone told me that I have such a talent for writing but I only have that talent and any other talent that I might have because of God. I honestly don't consider sitting down and typing out my complaints or joys a talent and I'm actually confused at why anyone would want to read my blogs. The whole idea of my blog when I started it was for people to see how God can work through something devastating and turn it into a blessing...even when it's hard, God is good.

My point being, He did it, praise Him!!!

I love the lyrics to Todd Agnew's song "Something Beautiful"

It's funny how all I can be

is someone completely ugly 

and then when You look at me

You don't see a wretch You see a reflection

of something beautiful

Busiest Day EVER!!!

     Yesterday was one of the busiest day's we've ever had. The day started off with the Lee County Autism Walk. We had friends and family come in support of Jacob. It was so nice to see everyone participating and wearing the sticker's that we had made for them. Jacob especially liked seeing his picture on the sticker.

~Jacob's Sticker~

         Everyone was so cheerful and happy to be there and it was such an inspiration to see this sticker on everyone in "Team Kent's" t-shirts. The best part was seeing everyone that we love supporting Jacob in something that is so much a part of our lives. We missed the ones that couldn't be there, but just because they weren't there doesn't mean they weren't helping in some form or fashion. The sweetest thing about the walk was knowing that our 10 year old niece, Anna Kathryn, desired so much to be there supporting Jacob. She has such a big heart and knowing that Jacob is important to her gives me so much joy. The other's in our family love and support Jacob just as much but there's nothing sweeter than seeing another kid love my kid...there's just something special about that!!

The next event was Jacob's t-ball game. We hurried from the autism walk to the ball field just in time for Jacob's game to start. As I've posted before, the miracle league is always a great experience. I didn't take a whole lot of pictures here, mainly because I was Jacob's buddy for the game. He loved every minute of me being out there with him too, which was a wonderful experience. I did take one quick picture though...

~ Goofy Boy ~

We then quickly hurried off to A-day game to see the tiger's play. It was a fun experience getting to see the new coach in action and getting to spend some more time with family and a friend that we hadn't seen in a while. I guess the most fun part of this time was getting to explain some football things to my niece.

After the game we headed back to our house for some burger's and hot dogs. Then we ventured back to Toomer's Corner for "The Last Roll." It was an awesome sight to see!!! 

I really enjoyed the day, even though my feet felt like they were going to fall off when I took my shoes off.
It was a great day celebrating the things I love the most...Jacob, family, friends and Auburn. War Eagle and thanks to everyone!!!

The Man Behind It All

       I realized yesterday that I hardly ever talk about the man behind the scene. I talk a lot about Jacob, some about Caleb, but rarely about Erick. The sad thing about it is that Erick is really where it all begins. Besides my faith in Christ, I have gained more strength from Erick than I have anyone else. He's constant, he's steady and most of all he perseveres.
       A lot of stories that I've heard of men when they find out that their kid has special needs is nothing like ours. Usually I hear that the men just can't handle the idea that their kid has special needs so they either deny the disorder or they run from the disorder. Erick has done neither. After the initial shock and sadness, Erick dug his heels in and fought for Jacob, and continues to fight for Jacob. He helps with medicine, diet and just taking on the day to day burdens. He even went as far as leaving his job (and his love, the lake) and moving away from the only place he's known as home to get Jacob in the best school system we knew of. But the biggest thing that he does is he encourages me. He encourages me in the littlest of ways and in ways that he probably doesn't even realize.
       Yesterday he text messaged me and started telling me that he got his yearly review and that it was good. It really didn't shock me at all because Erick is an excellent computer programmer and has excelled in every job he's had since we've been married. Nonetheless, it was a great review and it really made him happy at his job and his whole outlook about work was better. His next text message went something like this...

"Yeah, it makes me feel bad that you don't

get a review telling you all the good stuff you do,

cause I realize how it can change your whole outlook."

"I'm going to give you a review."

      Really??? How awesome is that?? I honestly felt like I had already gotten my "review" just by him saying that. It's awesome to me that he would even think about that. He's right though, it really is nice to know that you are doing a good job. Staying home with whiny kids that don't appreciate anything is definitely not the way to feel appreciated, but Erick realized that and met my need. One of the things that I like about Erick is that he's honest and he's not going to compliment someone if he doesn't really mean it, which makes his compliments that much more special. 

"In this same way, husbands ought to love 

their wives as their own bodies,

 he who loves his wife, loves himself."

Ephesians 5:28

     

A Story of Baseball, Miracle League Style

     Before moving to Auburn, I had never heard anything about The Miracle League. I signed Jacob up last year and was reluctant to do so because he has no interest in sports whatsoever. We went to his first game not really knowing what to expect. I was a little nervous, a little apprehensive and a lot anxious. Even when the event is for special needs kids I still worry about Jacob, his reaction to the event and other's reactions towards him. I guess this will always be the case with him. I'm slowly learning not to care what other's think. However, I was still nervous.

    When we got to the field I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotions. There were people who had gone down the same special needs path that Erick and I had had, sitting in the stands and cheering for, not only their kids, but for everyone else's kid. It was like a big celebration. There were coaches who were so patient with the kids that swung at the ball 15 times and still had not hit the ball. There were buddies for every kid to help guide them, have fun with them and cheer them on. But most of all, there were kids, that by other's standards would never play ball, out on the field having a blast and enjoying every moment that they had in the spotlight. It was an amazing sight to see.

 ~2012 Miracle League~

     The picture above is a picture from last year's season. Jacob was not into it at all and he needed help with everything about hitting the ball and some of the time didn't even pay attention to what was going on. (mainly because he has no interest in sports) 

     With each game last year I continued to feel overwhelming emotions at every one of the games. I can't even describe the joy that comes from watching these kids playing America's favorite pastime. I think what got me the most was seeing the buddies push the kids that were in wheelchairs around the bases and the crowd cheering abundantly for that child when they got to home plate and "scored." 

     This year I decided that I was going to go to the game and not get so emotional since I knew what to expect. I thought for sure that the new had worn off and it wouldn't be so heart warming this year. NOPE!!! I got there and immediately felt that same over flow of emotions, especially when my boy got up to bat! He got up there like a pro and hit the ball all by himself!!!!

 ~ First hit of the 2013 season~

    The entire crowd cheered Jacob on as he "ran" (I really mean walked, very slowly) around the bases. He's still not that into it but he at least was excited to hit the ball. Every year brings more and more improvements with Jacob and I'm excited to see what this ball season holds for him. 

    Then, my dear sweet Caleb, cried so hard and so long about wanting to go onto the field that Jacob's coach asked if he wanted to hang with him in the outfield. I don't even think Caleb even answered before he was halfway to midfield. He did everything that coach Randy did and he was very observant on what to do next. Coach Randy started clapping for the kid that was hitting and Caleb followed suit. 

~ Caleb & Coach Randy ~

    To most people this is probably cute because it's a two year old, just being a two year old. But, as I watched Caleb I saw a sweet little boy growing up to be an encourager. I prayed at that moment that he will continue to have a heart for the kids that are "different" than him. I prayed that he will be a rock for Jacob and that he will continue to be Jacob's biggest fan. I love that Caleb has the opportunity to see other's loving on these kids!! I'm so happy to have a bold little man on our team.  One Bible verse comes to mind when I think about what I want Caleb to learn from having a brother with autism. It's talking about the body of Christ and it's found in 1 Corinthians 12:22

"In fact, some parts of the body

that seem weakest and least important

are actually the most necessary."